Until right now when I have got back out of bed to follow my urgent need to write what is true for me. When I slipped under the covers I picked up a book I absolutely love and haven't touched in weeks. It's called Awakening The Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das. When it was first gifted to me I soaked it up like a dry desert thirsting for rain. I used neon pink post it notes to mark the passages that touched me deeply and there were dozens of them. Now tonight, surely guided by some divine force, I dug out the book from under a small pile and decided I needed some enlightenment to get me refocused.
I turned to the first highlight and read the paragraph. The last line instantly "woke me up": "You don't need to see different things, bur rather to see things differently." I knew this. I know this. But I'd "forgotten. For at least a week I've been gently pushing myself to see things differently. And I've resisted. Why? Because that's my pattern. Stay stuck. Stay in the drama. Be sad. It's not that I didn't know I was holding myself hostage. I knew. I chose. Yes, there were some sad things happening around me but the sadness I felt was wrapped up in a story of worthiness.
And tonight when I read these words, I chose again. We can always start over, begin again, anytime and that's what I'm doing. I'm writing because writing resonates with me on a soul level like nothing else. I'm writing because I want to make it real. I am writing now for all the powerful messages I felt compelled to write this past week and didn't. I'm writing because it is cathartic. And I'm writing because someone out there might be on their own edge and just maybe, find hope in my message.