What scares me most is that usually I get a twinge in the moment I'm going to do something that dishonours my values. This time I didn't. Not even a gentle nudge. I'm shocked by how unconscious I was from when the incident started last week. And again, I know why. When I blew up in a very uncharacteristic tirade on Thursday I should have seen that as a great big giant clue. Something was touching a deep nerve for me to overreact so strongly. I didn't pay attention. I just simmered. Damn. Missed a great opportunity to avoid a lot of bad feelings.
Deep breath. This is a time when I would self-sabotage with the skill of a dancer on thin ice. I must watch myself carefully for the next few hours and maybe days to see if I can find myself right; find myself human; find myself holy again. The sad part is that the other people involved might not have the same perspective and I may lose a colleague or acquaintance. Lesson learned: Stay Awake