My treadmill companion of late has been Gregg Braden and his work “The Divine Matrix”. Time flies when I am engrossed in the rich material he offers from his years of studying the connection between the tangible world that we know and the unseen world that many of us recognize and appreciate. While many parts of his extensive coverage of what the Divine Matrix is and how it affects our world make sense to me, what hit the mark most was when he talked about what he (and many other masters) have uncovered as the Three Universal Fears.

They are: Fear of abandonment; Fear of unworthiness (Low Self-Esteem); Fear of surrendering/trusting. When I look at my own life, I see how I’ve lived with all of these in varying degrees throughout the years. When I look at people around me; families, friends, colleagues, neighbours, and all the other people that cross my radar, I can identify behaviours and attitudes that stem from these core fears. Not that we are an immobilized society unable to do amazing things but rather that in our weakest moments it is these fears that undermine our ability to cope, to function at our best. And yes, there are some people who operate from these positions most of the time.

What’s curious to me is that the common thread in all the work I do is around self-esteem. The other two weave in and out and yet how we feel about ourselves, how we treat ourselves, what we do to honour, respect, encourage, support, care for and love ourselves, seems to be the primary focus of what I do. It comes in all sorts of disguises such as bad jobs, lousy relationships, abusive eating, addictive behaviours, depression, anger, apathy, frustration and much more. And people are often really embarrassed or ashamed of having a low self-image. That adds to the difficulty in dealing with the causes because we don’t want to be someone who whines, complains or acts like a pathetic victim. We think we “should” be able to suck it up, get over it, get on with it, get real. Indeed, that would be ideal AND does work. Except when it doesn’t and that’s where reconnecting with the divine essence of who we really are, without the story imposed on us or that we made up to survive, can be incredibly liberating.

The miracle is watching all these difficult situations (the things that aren’t working) “right” themselves when self-esteem rises. People begin to lose their victimized perspectives, their hopelessness and helplessness. They see themselves differently and ultimately that lets them see their world differently. Even the strongest, most confident, most educated, skilled, professional, “got it all together” people can tumble headlong into low self-worth. Life throws us curves and the most agile of us can dodge them for a while (sometimes years) but for most of us, eventually something happens and we plummet into the state of questioning the value of our own existence. Sometimes it happens over and over again because we stubbornly resist paying attention to the signals. I believe this is how the universe (insert your preferred word here) wakes us up to the truth of who we are, why we are here, what we are meant to do with these all too short, precious lives of ours.

So when our self-esteem takes a hit and you add in an unconscious fear of being abandoned (also read rejection) and the resistance to surrender that is anchored in a lack of trust and, well … life can feel pretty tough.

The more we fight the powerful voice of our inner critic (gremlin, judge, saboteur) the more frightened we are of other people seeing us as a fraud or as worthless. It seems like we are keeping a great big secret when honestly, to the trained eye, we are fighting for our lives.

Building or re-building self-esteem requires daily practice. As my clients know, you can feel a profound shift and have days of euphoria. You can also look at your hand full of candy and wonder how it got there; open a bill for excessive purchases that you “forgot” you bought; sit alone on a Saturday night frustrated that your relationships never work. That’s the moment where you have the greatest potential for change; when you are “in it”. These are the contact points we examine together to see what is really going on. This knowledge and insight changes lives, every day. How might your life be different if you stopped long enough to listen?

No matter how busy you are, how much you have to do, how little time you think you have ... remember to breathe.

Slow down. Take care of yourself. Enjoy the moment. This is indeed a season of rushing and crushing. Be the difference by being the calm, joyfilled energy that seems to elude so many of us. You have at your core the power to shift the gritty noise to sounds of peace and of love.

Our breath connects us to our wise inner selves and to the greater consciousness that is more real than most of what we see and hear around us during the holiday season. Use your breath to ground yourself and know that the ripple effect reaches far
So not matter what, remember to breathe.

It might just be that this time of year, when it's nearly impossible to avoid the crush of the season's emotional and preoccupation with busyness ... that we are perfectly poised to risk letting go. On a call this morning I felt a deep ever widening pit in my stomach as I suddenly visualized what my client needed to hear/see. I said "Sometimes when we are at a pivotal moment in our lives with our hand outstretched to grasp the next opportunity, we know, with sickening clarity, that the only way to actually reach the next rung is to let go of the one we are holding so tightly to. Just like on high ropes courses where we have to release our left hand so we can lean far enough along for our right hand to catch the next rope."

I hung up the phone knowing that I am SO there. And, no surprise, many people in my life, my world and the bigger expanse of population are in the same spot. New Year's has a way of inviting us to start fresh, begin again, break free. The truth is that while we may well be spurred on by the momentum of the masses who will make resolutions or intentions, unless we have let go of something first, our chances of succeeding are slim.

So I'm wondering, what is it you must risk letting go of? What thought, what habit? Is it a self-destructive behaviour, a limiting belief? Is it a relationship that sucks the life out of you or a situation that diminishes your whole being? What is it that you know in your heart you need to let go of to move more fully into the life you imagine?

And a step I feel is so important - remember to grieve. Letting go leaves a space. Letting go ends drama. Letting go changes you inside. Create a ritual for letting go that completes the process. And then ... be prepared for what flows to you.

I read something today that shook my world. I started to post in my Emotional Eating Blog when I realized that what I was learning was relevant to so many more people than just those who abuse food. It reached out to anyone who has ever avoided being fully alive in some way, shape or form. The words come from Geneen Roth's book Women, Food and God and it woke me right up out of my chair where I thought I was consciously present to my life. It reads: "Dying doesn't frighten those who are already half dead." Whoa. I had a moment of sensing too much drama and then I got it. Many of us really do stroll, march, drift or wade through life half dead. And we keep doing things that numb us or hold us back from full expression. And we keep doing it because when  the part of us that is longing feels dead, we see no reason to breathe life back into anything. I'm not sure this makes sense to anyone else AND I feel the reverberations in the darkest places of my being.

When we feel half dead we don't finish the books we have been working on. We don't make the cd's. We don't paint the bathroom. We don't climb the mountains, swim the rivers, sit in the forests. We don't tell the stories. We don't listen to the children. We don't rage at injustice. We don't congratulate reform. We don't speak up. We don't shut up. We don't feel. We don't forgive. We don't love with all our wide open, precious hearts. We don't make an effort. We don't give in. We don't allow. We don't compromise. We don't accept. We don't say thank you. And ... ultimately, we don't love ourselves.

Only we know if we are really alive and today, in this moment, I am alive with a passion and hunger for fulfillment and satisfaction. I am on the edge ...

"To laugh often and love much;
to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children;
to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the best in others; to give of one's self;
to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank God I have another chance. It's a new day, a new beginning. I get to start all over again. What I did yesterday and the day before and the day before that have definitely had an impact AND I get to choose for today. This day could reveal something powerful and wonderful. Indeed, if I pay attention it will.

Many of us take for granted that we will get a second chance when we wake up in the morning and yet I'm not sure we recognize it when it comes. I'm also not sure we realize that some day that second change won't come. As I've said so many goodbyes in the past year I have realized how important every day is. Yet, I still find myself putting off things and not using my time the way I would if I knew how quickly it could slip away.

There was a time when I felt panicked and immobilized with fear that my life would end suddenly with a long "to do" list unfinished. I felt shame and guilt around not being productive every second of the day. I got over that! When emerged was a new balance of knowing that like every person on the planet my days are numbered. And today I get to begin again; to complete things that are still undone; to say what is wanting to be said; to write the letters I have put off

From Louise Hay: I Am Willing To Forgive

Forgiveness of myself and others releases me from the past. Forgiveness is the answer to almost every problem. Forgiveness is a gift to myself. I forgive, and I set myself free.

Much as been said about the power of forgiveness and today it seems a good tethering point as we teeter on the brink of December - a month that hosts a season where emotions and relationships feel magnified. Maybe today is the perfect day to forgive - yourself and others - so that you can fully embrace what is here, right now, in front of you. Make room in your heart and mind for joy, for peace and most of all for love. Holding onto the past keeps us distracted from how precious this moment is. Forgive, and you signal the universe that you are ready to receive.

It's tough to be with what I have tried so hard to avoid in life. Things like upsetting people or making them mad. Even though I've done it before without fully realizing what I was up to or even by accident, this time it's happened because I'm sticking with my values and honouring my authentic self. I'm speaking up for what I feel I need right now and what matters to me. And the impact is that two women I love and admire are really angry with me. They don't like what I've said/done and they have let me know it. Of course it's their stuff and I don't need to own it. AND I'm not trying to win them back which is typically what I do to avoid the pain of feeling unloved or unliked.

So I am doing my best to remember that even though someone doesn't "love" me of "like" me right now I am still lovable and still likable.

And there is this little matter of not being able to fix someone's problem. Damn this frustrates me. I'm a coach. I know how to coach people into figuring things out for themselves and I'm really good at it. This time I just can't get out of my own head, my own emotional attachment and so I've been trying to solve the problem. It's not working and if anything, things are deteriorating rapidly. She's discouraged. I'm frustrated.

So I'm doing my best to be with my humanness and my need to let go of being attached to an outcome.

Whew. "Life is ...", as Helen Keller said "either a daring adventure or nothing."